Falling Out of Reach
by Dana1
Summary: Lost chapter. Still finished Do the Ducks really fly together? If so, where were they when one of them needed them?
1. Waiting is the Hardest Part

Title: Jumper  
Author: Dana  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Suicide  
Summary: Someone watches someone go too far.  
Author's note: This fic is inspired by the song Jumper by Third Eye Blind. Lyrics are at the end of the fic. The suicidal person isn't who you think it is. First person POV but I won't say whom. You have to read it.  
Disclaimer: Disney and Steven Brill own all characters in this fic except the doctors.  
Time frame: Before D3. 

What a nightmare. It's been less then 6 hours since it happened. Whomever said ducks fly together was an idiot. If they did, why am I sitting in the waiting room alone? Waiting for news on a fellow duck? Scratch that. My best friend.

Yeah my best friend. He always seemed like the toughest of us all. I don't mean tough like the Bash Brothers, but tough mentally. He always seemed together. He never let anything phase him. At least until today.

Maybe he always hid his pain. He had a smile or a good comeback if someone put him or his friends down. He was always someone I could talk to, and honestly, I always thought he thought he could do the same with me. Maybe I was wrong.

This morning my mother told me he hand stopped by and left a note. I opened the note. It was a goodbye letter. I ran to the cliff in hopes of stopping him. I got there in time to see him standing at the edge.

It was rather ironic though. My sister had been listening to Jumper by Third Eye Blind just this morning. It seemed to foreshadow this.

I remember pleading with him not to do it. We could talk about this. He cannot end it. He just looked at me and before I could stop him, he jumped.

My brother came up behind me and told me he had called an ambulance. I just stood there looking at my best friend lying there.

The fall hadn't killed him. No right now he's in there being worked on by the doctors. Dang it. Where are the others? They had to have gotten the phone calls by now. But I was sitting in the waiting room with his parents and brother.

I ran a hand through my hair. I thought I heard someone yelling code blue in the room. "No." I whispered.

I heard sobbing next to me. I couldn't look at her. I was having enough trouble containing my own tears. I didn't even hear the others approach. I had my knees pulled up to my chest and had my face resting against them.

"Is he?" Charlie asked.

"We don't know." I said looking up at them. What took them so long?

"Mr. and Mrs. Hall?" A doctor asked.

"Yes?" Teresa Hall asked standing up.

"I'm Dr. Chesterfield. I was one of the doctors that worked on your son Jesse."

"How is he?" Quint Hall asked.

Dr. Chesterfield sighed. "It was difficult. He suffered massive internal damage and a broken hip. It was a long fall. He was lucky to survive even though it was a suicide attempt. If he makes it through the night..."

I tuned him out. "Can I see him?" I asked.

"Well he's in intensive care. So only family." The doctor said.

"Adam's Jesse's best friend. Please?" Terry spoke up the first time that day.

I looked at him pleadingly. The doctor sighed. "Fine but only Adam." He said and walked away.

I let the Hall's go in their first. I stood there waiting. The other Ducks were quietly talking. Something felt wrong besides the fact that Jesse attempted suicide. "Adam you can go in." Quint said.

I walked into the room. Jesse was hooked up to a couple of machines. "Why Jesse?" I asked him. "You were the last one I ever thought would do this. Jesse don't die. You can't die. Tell me why and then we'll see if it was worth trying. You owe me the explanation." Okay I was babbling but it was better then crying. "Come on Jesse." I said.

The nurse came in and told me my time was up.

I walked out into the lobby reluctantly. I walked straight out of the hospital. I don't think anyone noticed.


	2. Sitting Here Alone

Notes: Short chapter. This is not to be confused with Letter by someone else. I forget her name. But I did mention in the first chapter that there was a goodbye letter and well here, it is. Note to Cake Eater it's always been one of my things I add to my fics.   
  
Sitting Here Alone  
  
I stopped walking and flopped down on a bench outside of the hospital. I pulled out the letter I got that morning and read it again.  
  
Dear Adam  
  
That sounds weird doesn't it? Have I ever called you Adam? I don't think so.   
  
This is tough. I don't want to tell you in person and I know that you'll be asleep when I drop by. I'm writing to say goodbye.  
  
By the time you read this, I'll have already jumped off the cliff. Don't try to stop me. I need to do it. I don't have the time to explain in the letter why. Just know it wasn't your fault.  
  
Jesse  
  
"Hey." Someone said sitting down next to me. I looked up and saw Peter Marks. "Averman called me and told me."  
  
I hadn't seen Peter in two years. He hadn't changed that much in appearance. He had grown quite a bit but he was still short. I didn't say anything.  
  
"I can't believe Jesse would attempt suicide." Peter said. I nod. "I mean he always seemed to have it together." I didn't say anything. I just stared at the ground. "I'm going to go in. you coming?"  
  
I shake my head. I just wanted to be alone.  
  
***  
Notes: Short and well not sweet. Don't ask how Peter got into the fic but he did. like the new summary better? I think it fits the whole fic. 


	3. Don’t Mess with the Hall’s

***  
Notes: Chapter 2 was too short I agree. Word of warning about this chapter: Never mess with a guy having a really bad day. I hope you all don't mind terribly if I push some of the ducks out into secondary characters. For the list I mentioned a new summary you probably haven't seen. It is do the Ducks really fly together? If so, where were they when one of them needed them?  
  
Don't Mess with the Hall's  
  
I walked back into the hospital waiting room after awhile. The other Ducks were still there. I walked past them and towards Jesse's room. The Hall's were in there. I leaned against the wall watching them. Terry saw me standing there and motioned me into the room.   
  
I started to walk in when my brother's cellphone started ringing. He had given it to me to call him if I needed anything or was ready to go home. "Hello?"  
  
'Adam? This is your father. I was just calling you to remind you that we are leaving at six tonight for the airport.'  
  
Damn. I had forgotten about the cruise. "Dad I'm not going."  
  
'You're what?' He all but yelled.  
  
I walked away from the room in case my father got louder. "Dad Jesse's in the hospital. I'm not going on vacation."  
  
'We've been planning this vacation for several months.'   
  
I couldn't believe this. My father was suggesting that I leave for vacation when my best friend is in the hospital. "Look I can stay with one of the Ducks or something." I wasn't too keen on that idea right now but if it meant, I could stay here...  
  
There was a long pause. 'We'll pick you up there on the way to the airport.' He said and hung up. Yeah sure whatever. I thought as I slumped against the wall. I slid down into a sitting position and thought about what I'd say in three hours.  
  
"Adam?" A voice asked from behind me. I knew it was Mrs. Hall. "We couldn't help hear your phone call."  
  
I turned around and said. "I'm sorry for how loud he was."  
  
"My husband, Terry, and I have talked about it. You could stay with us."  
  
"I couldn't." I said.   
  
"Please we don't mind."   
  
"Thanks Mrs. Hall."  
  
"You're welcome." She said. I followed her back into Jesse's room.  
  
***  
I was sitting out in the waiting room with a few of the Ducks who were still there when my father entered. I sighed. This wasn't going to be fun.  
  
"Adam come on its time to go." He said.  
  
"I'm not going. The Hall's invited me to stay with them."  
  
"Don't be silly Adam. They have enough to worry about without you staying there. You are coming on the vacation with us."  
  
"Excuse me Philip." Mr. Hall said. "Can I talk to you?"  
  
They walked off I followed them. "Your son is welcome to stay with us."  
  
"You have enough to worry about. I don't want my son to be a burden."  
  
"He is not one. He is best friends with Jesse. I understand him wanting to be here with Jesse."   
  
"Whatever. Adam is coming on this plane and going on a cruise."  
  
"Think about it Philip! Do you want Adam on a cruise worried about Jesse all the time? Look Jesse might not make it through the night. And well..."  
  
Dad stood there thinking. "This is ridiculous." He turned around and saw me standing there. "Let's go Adam."  
  
I looked from Dad to Mr. Hall. my dad couldn't be serious.   
  
"Dad come quick." Terry yelled.  
  
Both Mr. Hall and I ran back to Jesse's room. I didn't even look back at my father. 


	4. Dejavu

Notes: I wrote the beginning of this chapter while sitting on the grass waiting for Pat Bennitar to start. This fic has direction. And I have a definitive timeline for when this fic starts. It's the summer before their ninth grade year. It goes into D3. However, I may have to change the name of this fic.

Dejavu

We stopped in front of Jesse's room. Terry and Mrs. Hall were standing there with sad looks on their faces. "What happened?" I asked.

"He stopped breathing." Mrs. Hall said. Her husband hugged her.

The doctor came out. "We've got him breathing again. He may have suffered more internal damage then we originally thought. As I said the next 20 hours or so are very critical." He walked over and started talking to one of the nurses.

The Hall's went in and I was about to follow when my father stopped me. "Adam." I turned around and saw him standing there holding my suitcase. "You have a house key just in case?"

"Yes." I gave him a hug. "Thanks dad."

"You're welcome. Don't give the Hall's any problems. They have enough to worry about. I've got to go." He hugged me again and walked away.

I walked into the room.

Two hours later, I was sitting in the cafeteria with Connie, Guy, Charlie and Terry. Terry and I have been here all day and the others come and go. I think Mr. and Mrs. Hall asked them to take us down here. I don't know about Terry or the others but I haven't eaten anything all day. I didn't eat any breakfast just asked my brother to drive me and ran out of the house. I was feeling it earlier. I was dizzy and had a headache. It had been a long day.

"Did you call the others?" I asked.

"I think Coach Bombay did." Charlie answered. Coach was here for awhile earlier. But he left.

Part of the song came back to me as I sat there eating this thing that was supposed to be chicken.

I get up. The others followed suit. I was dizzy again.

I don't know what happened but the next thing I knew someone was calling my name.

"Adam? Can you open your eyes for me?"

I open my eyes and see a nurse looking down at me. I realize I'm lying on the floor of the cafeteria. "What happened?"

"You fainted." She said. "It happens to everyone when they go through such an emotional thing. The adrenaline was out of your system." I had a blank look on my face. How did she know that? "Your friends mentioned it a bit." She explained.

I looked around and saw the others standing not too far from me with concerned looks. Charlie and Terry helped me to my feet.

"Thanks." I said.

"No problem Adam. Take it easy." She said and walked away.

I was glad when no one mentioned it on the walk back to Jesse's room.

I walked into Jesse's room after letting the Hall's go in there individually. I took a seat in the chair next to his bed. Something felt quite familiar about this. Weren't we here four years ago? But he was in the chair and I was the one in the hospital bed. We found something we both found in common. We both hated the Hawks and we went from there. Of course, I can't talk to Jesse like I had then.

A nurse came in and was checking Jesse's vitals. "You could try talking to him." She said. "I've seen it work for people." She finished her work and stepped out of the room.

Talk to him. That could work. Maybe.


	5. Just a Simple Talk

*** Notes: Here you go Cherry. What you asked for. You know it just figures. I can't think of something very important to the story but I came up with it for a different character. Muses! Can't live with them can't convince them to leave. * Separate flashbacks.  
  
Just a Simple Talk  
  
Talking to someone that's unconscious isn't easy. I tried not to look at all of the wires attached to him. Hmm what do I say to him? "Hey Jesse." Okay that's a start. "I wish I knew what was going on with you. We are best friends right? Best friends are supposed to talk about stuff right? When I saw you, standing there it scared me. You just looked at me and jumped."  
  
I closed my eyes for a second. I hated bringing this up. "Remember when you stopped me from doing it? It was right after the Junior Goodwill Games. Those scouts said I still had a ways to go. If you hadn't walked in when you did...well I probably wouldn't be here reminding you. You gotta pull through Jesse."  
  
"Your time is up." The nurse said coming back in.  
  
I walked out and Mr. and Mrs. Hall walked in. Terry was staring at me. "What?" I asked him.  
  
"Did you really try to commit suicide two years ago?"  
  
I sighed. I didn't want to get into that. "Well came close to attempting suicide but Jesse caught me before I could swallow those pills."  
  
"What made you do it?"  
  
"The scouts talked to me after the Junior Goodwill Games were over. They told me I was a good player but I still had a ways to go if I ever wanted to play professional hockey. I knew my dad would be mad. So I was going to swallow all of my pain pills."  
  
"Jesse stopped you from doing it?"  
  
"Yeah he walked in."  
  
I still remember that day like it was yesterday. *I was sitting there. I had just filled a glass of water. Jesse wasn't in the room and he wasn't going to be back for an hour. He went off with a few others to get some ice cream I think. I stared at the pain killer bottle that I had been given by the hospital. I opened the lid and poured out some into my hand.  
  
The door opened. "Hey Banks we got you some Rocky Road ice cream."  
  
I carefully closed my hand around the pills. "Thanks Jesse." He handed it to me. I put it down. He shrugged and walked out of the room.  
  
I picked up the water and was about to swallow the pills when the door opened again. "Forgot something." Jesse said. He looked over at me and frowned. "What are you doing?" It was then that I realized I hadn't closed my hand. The ten pills were in plain sight.  
  
"Um." Jesse wouldn't even let me finish. He grabbed the pills out of my hand. "Give them back Jesse."  
  
"No way man. You better tell me why." He said folding his arms.  
  
"I told you about the scouts."  
  
He looked at me sympathetically for a second before his eyes flashed with a hint of anger. "So you were going to kill yourself over something two scouts said?"  
  
"What am I going to tell my dad Jesse? He expects me to be in the NHL."  
  
"Banks you're twelve years old!" Jesse yelled. Then said in a quieter voice, "Don't take that road out. There's always a reason to stay. It will get better."*  
  
Remembering that made me angry. He wouldn't let me kill myself and yet he tried it.  
  
When Jesse woke up he and I was going to have a long talk. Something inside me nagged at me saying if he woke up. 


	6. Don’t Lie to Me

Notes: Things finally speed up a little. What you've all been waiting for. /// Still separate fic from song lyrics. I think I've mentioned before that this fic is going into D3. The title of this fic is important to that part too. Hard to explain but it'll be described better later. I'm guessing geography wise. I'm sure so was Disney.  
  
Thanks to Charisma and Star. I appreciated what you did. They know what they did and that's all that needs to be typed.   
  
Don't Lie to Me  
  
For the rest of the night I slept a few hours, walked around, and visited Jesse so to speak. The Hall's did the same. We spent most of the day going back and forth from his room to the waiting room and to the cafeteria. I was able to shower and change.   
  
I was embarrassed in the afternoon when a nurse asked me to come to the children's wing and sign autographs. But she kept asking until I finally said yes. Seemed word got around about us being here. I went down and signed autographs. It took my mind off Jesse.   
  
I had just signed a little girl's cast when a nurse tapped me on the shoulder. "You are Adam Banks right?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I just got a phone call from ICU asking me to tell you that you are wanted there right away."  
  
I didn't bother to ask any questions, I just ran for the elevator. It seemed like forever before I got to the ICU floor. When I got there, I raced to Jesse's room. I stopped and saw the Hall's and I think the doctor all in there. I tried to see what was going on but I couldn't. Mr. Hall was taller then me.  
  
One of them shifted slightly and I was able to get a look at the bed. Jesse was there of course but his eyes were open. I grinned.   
  
Soon the doctor left and I was able to get into the room. Jesse still had a tube down his throat. He looked like he could barely keep his eyes open. But he was awake.   
  
"That's all right Jesse. Get some rest." Mr. Hall said. Jesse closed his eyes.  
  
Mr. and Mrs. Hall directed Terry and me out of the room. Charlie, Averman, Fulton, and Goldberg were staring at us expectantly.  
  
"He's awake." Mrs. Hall told them. "But he's sleeping right now."   
  
I walked over to a chair and sat down. I'd wait until that tube came out of his mouth before I asked him what was going on with him. I must have been tired because I was shaken awake. "Adam?"  
  
I opened my eyes and saw Mrs. Hall. "Jesse wants to see you." I look at my watch. I had been asleep for four hours.   
  
I walked into the room and noticed that Jesse no longer had the tube down his throat. I took a seat next to his bed.  
  
"Hey." He said.  
  
"Hey yourself." There was nothing said for a few minutes. I finally asked the question I had been waiting to ask. "Why?"  
  
Jesse didn't answer right away. He just stared at the wall. "Spur of the moment."  
  
"Spur of the moment? Don't lie to me Jesse. You left me a note."  
  
"I don't want to talk about it."   
  
"Does this sound familiar? There's always a reason to stay. It will get better. Jesse you stopped me from committing suicide two years ago and I want to know why."   
  
"I don't want to talk about it!" He repeated. "This is different Banks. You wouldn't understand."  
  
"Try me."  
  
Jesse didn't say anything. I didn't bring it up again. My time was up anyway. I said goodbye and walked out of the hospital. Where I was going I didn't know. I just needed to think.  
  
///And if you do not want to see me again   
I would understand, I would understand   
The angry boy a bit too insane   
Icing over a secret pain   
You know you don't belong   
You're the first to fight   
You're way too loud///  
  
I didn't know where that came from. I wanted an answer to understand what was going on in his head. The Children's Hospital wasn't too far from where I was thinking of going. The old Duck Pond. Well it's not frozen because it's summer but I still wanted to go there.  
  
I never played there. By the time I was on the Duck's they had their own rink to practice at. It really wasn't anything right now. Mrs. Conway's work was not far from it. There were kids running around with a dog.   
  
I had dropped by a couple times when I was a Hawk to watch District 5 play along with Larson and McGill. We teased them unmercifully. We were ten years old what did we know? It's been almost four years and I wish I hadn't. The Ducks were more friends then Larson and McGill were.   
  
I heard a ringing and groaned. Next time I want to be, alone I must remember not to bring my brother's cell phone with me. I answered it anyway. "Hello?"  
  
'Where'd you go?' It was Terry.  
  
"Went for a walk. I'll be back." I said and hung up.   
  
I turned my phone off. I start heading in that direction when a voice stops me. "Hey Adam." I turn around. Jason Larson.  
  
"Hi Jason." I said uncomfortably.  
  
"Didn't expect to see you here. My brother Donald wanted to go to Mickey's Diner for some ice cream."   
  
I hadn't even noticed Donald. He was standing there looking bored. "Went for a walk."  
  
"Kind of a long walk from Edina." He reminded me. "We took a bus."  
  
"Oh I didn't walk from Edina. Was in the area." I didn't feel like telling him where exactly. It wasn't like we were friends anymore.   
  
"You want to join us for ice cream?" Jason asked.  
  
"Uh no. I've got to get back to the...er to where I'm going." Oh yeah that was real smooth. I hurried off before he could ask me any questions. Well that was strange.  
  
I walked back to the hospital. Terry met me in the hallway. "Jesse wants to talk to you."  
  
I walked into Jesse's room. He was looking out the window. He looked at me when I entered. "Hey."  
  
"Hey." I said.   
  
"You deserve to know Banks." I waited for him to continue. "My life's pretty messed up. Did you know my parents are getting divorced?" I shook my head. "They've been married twenty years and now decide to divorce." He let out a bitter laugh. "Not only that, they are separating Terry and i. Terry's going to New York with my mother and I'm staying here." He stopped as he was seized by pain. I was going to get a nurse when he grabbed my hand. "I'm okay." I sat back down. "And everything seemed tumbling down. Only thing I had left was you and the Ducks and hockey. Now I really screwed it up huh?"  
  
"No Jesse you are going to be okay."  
  
"Don't lie to me! Look at me. I've got a broken hip and massive damage to my insides." His voice was starting to fail him. "I wish I had been killed by the fall."  
  
"Jesse don't say that."  
  
"It's the truth." He closed his eyes. I sat there staring at him. I had to practically be dragged out of the room.   
  
"We're going to go home for a couple hours." Mrs. Hall said. "Jesse seems to be doing all right. The doctor said he'll be moved out of ICU in a couple of days."  
  
I grabbed my stuff and headed for the elevator when I heard a whine from one of the machines. I dropped my suitcase and went back to Jesse's room. The doctors pushed me back out of the room.  
  
They came out shaking their heads. My legs were like Jell-O and I didn't even notice someone catching me.  
  
***  
Notes: I just realized the end of this chapter reflects on the title. Me and my strange mood. 


	7. Frozen

Notes: Amy when I originally posted this fic it was going to be two chapters and it branched off from there when I decided to keep going. Parts of the song lyrics are here and there in some of the other chapters. I just remembered Mrs. Conway did get remarried. Uh her husband isn't in town. Don't feel like changing this chapter right now. The funeral scene is my memories of going to a close friend's funeral.   
  
Frozen  
  
Fulton caught me as my legs gave out and helped me over to a chair. I couldn't move. But I could see and hear. The Hall's were crying and I couldn't move. The Duck's that were there were crying but it was as if I was frozen. Mrs. Hall hugged me.  
  
I could hear Charlie calling the other Ducks on the phone. I listened to the first one he made. He called Averman. "Jesse's dead...Just a few minutes ago...not well at all...I have to call the others...yeah I know. Talk to you later." After that, I wasn't paying attention. I stared at Jesse's room. I saw his gurney be rolled out of the room. Now it all seemed real. That's when the tears started to flow.  
  
I had just been talking to Jesse! He seemed to be in a lot of pain but I didn't think he was about to die. He just woke up today. I looked at the clock across from me. It hadn't even been thirty-six hours.   
  
I don't remember much after the gurney was taken out of Jesse's room. I just remember going to Charlie's house. I don't remember why. Or who made that decision. Charlie and Mrs. Conway talked a bit. I just stared out the window.   
  
When we got to the Conway's house Mrs. Conway went into the kitchen to make us sandwiches. I took a seat on the couch. Charlie turned the television on to a baseball game. We ate in silence when the sandwiches were made. I think both Charlie and his mom gave up trying to have a conversation with me.   
  
Later I lay on the sofa bed unable to sleep. The last forty hours going through my mind. What Jesse said comes back to me. He said all he had left was hockey, the Ducks, and me and he had screwed that up. It still didn't make sense to me why Jesse had jumped. Maybe there was something he didn't have a chance to tell me.  
  
I started crying. I don't know why. Maybe I just held it in too long. I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I turned around and saw Mrs. Conway.  
  
"It's all right Adam." She said.  
  
When I was finished crying she got me a glass of water. "What are you doing up?" I asked.  
  
"I was up checking on Charlie. It's been a long forty eight hours for both of you."   
  
Charlie wandered into the room. It was only three in the morning. "Can't sleep either?" He asked me. I shook my head. Mrs. Conway slipped out of the room.   
  
"Still doesn't seem real does it?" He asked me. I shook my head again. "When you called me after you went with Jesse went to the hospital, and told me I had to take a few minutes before I called the others. I never thought he'd die you know."  
  
"Yeah I know."  
  
"It must have been hard for you to watch him jump and not be able to stop him."  
  
"He stopped me from killing myself once." I said. He was silent. I think he knew somehow. So I didn't expand on it. We stayed up talking.   
  
***  
My family was still on the cruise the day of Jesse's funeral, so I was still staying at the Conway's. All the non-Minnesotan Ducks flew in. They were all accompanied by at least one parent.   
  
I don't remember much about the service. I think Coach Bombay spoke a few words along with the Hall's. I was sitting with the other Ducks.   
  
When it was time for everyone to walk up to Jesse's coffin, I was at the end of the line. I paused in front of it and stared at him. He seemed like he was sleeping. A little gray but still looking like he was just sleeping. I brushed away the tears as I joined the others.  
  
***  
At the wake afterwards, the Ducks from the past and present all sat together. I hadn't seen Karp, Tammy and Tommy in several years. Not exactly, the best place for a Duck reunion. We talked a bit about how the summer was going. School started in three weeks. I had already decided not to go to Eden Hall. But I wasn't going to share that with the others yet.  
  
"How are you holding up Terry?" Connie asked.  
  
"Okay, though I wish Jesse was here. Sometimes I forget he's dead then it's hard. Mom and I are leaving for New York City in a couple of days. Mom doesn't want to stay here much longer."  
  
I gulped. Jesse had told me that right before he died. It had seemed so unimportant now. I had thought the Hall's would stay together for Terry's sake.  
  
Terry was continuing. "She already found an apartment with Aunt Laura's help. She said there was a good school in the area but I don't want to go." Terry continued.  
  
Dwayne, Russ, Julie, Portman, and Kenny had never met Terry until now so they looked uncomfortable, while the rest of the Duck'' looked at him sympathetically. They offered their own encouragement.   
  
Me I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. Like I hadn't with Jesse. 


	8. It’s For Your Own Good

Notes: I'm taking a break from writing the prequel to Fooling called Breaking Point. Jeez I never thought I'd write an r rated fic for this fandom! I've been busy typing out the D2 book for the mightyducksmovieslist. Anyone wants it give me a holler. Or rather, email me. I probably couldn't hear you if you yelled ;). Short chapter but it's an important one. Things said in this chapter will have a deep impact later on. Also I'm making them come into Eden Hall in 95. And of course one other thing: I kinda stretch things in this chapter. One thing isn't quite accurate along the lines of D3 so just bare with me. Some things are going to be tweaked a bit for D3.  
  
It's For Your Own Good  
  
A week later I had decided to tell my family my decision about Eden Hall. I was going to tell them at dinner. They had been nice to me since they got home three days before. How was I going to tell them? Both my parents thought it was a great educational opportunity. Jeffrey had gone there. Chris goes to a public high school. So maybe they'd be a little more understanding. I decided to take the direct approach. "Mom dad I've been thinking about Eden Hall."  
  
"You've still got two weeks left of summer." My mother said. Okay maybe this was going to be harder then I thought.  
  
"No. I've been thinking about not going." I told her.  
  
"Why? It's a good school and all your Duck friends will be attending. My dad said. I cringed inwardly. Everyone but Jesse.  
  
"I just don't think it's the right school for me. Chris goes to Edina High School." I reminded him. My sister nodded.  
  
"But you've got a scholarship at Eden Hall. You'll love it there Adam. It has a great hockey team. I bet you'll even make Varsity." Jeffrey said. Great thanks Jeff for the support. I looked at my mother hoping for support from her.  
  
"Adam is this about Jesse?" My mom asked. Wow she's more observant then I gave her credit for. I just nodded. She put a hand on mine and squeezed it. "Oh Adam I know it's been only a little more then a week since Jesse died but honey you've got to continue."  
  
"Yeah you told us before you guys got scholarships that you wanted to go to Eden Hall." Jeffrey said. "And you especially liked it now that the other Ducks were going."  
  
"Yeah but I don't want to go now. I can go to Edina High School."  
  
"Uh no you can't. You aren't going to be in the tenth grade." Chris reminded me.   
  
I groaned. I forgot that EHS was a three-year school. "I could go to Edina Junior High then."  
  
"Adam..." My father started to say but trailed off. "We'll talk about this later." He said and the subject was dropped. The discussion went to talk about what college my sister would be attending after high school.   
  
Tomorrow I'd bring it up to the other Ducks.  
  
***  
Well I never did bring it up to the Ducks the next day. I waited a week. My family was watching me like a hawk. I think they thought I'd be suicidal or something. But I'm not. Though I'm not saying, I haven't thought about it. It is somewhat funny to see all the sharp things and pills are no longer in sight. The housekeeper won't even let me near the drawers in the kitchen! I felt like yelling at them that I was fine. But that might have worried them more.  
  
My brother dropped me off in the park where the local Ducks were waiting. It was August 29, which meant there was one week left until school started. Three weeks since Jesse died.   
  
"What's up Banks?" Fulton asked. "You wanted us to meet you here."  
  
It was now or never I guess. "I've been thinking about Eden Hall."  
  
A few days ago, the Ducks accepted the scholarships at a ceremony at Eden Hall. I didn't go. My parents accepted it for me. Chris told me later that they told people I wasn't feeling well. I heard about Bombay not going to be coaching the JV team. I know Charlie's mad about it but I could care less.  
  
"I'm not going." I continued.  
  
I was greeted by the following response from the others.   
  
"What?"   
  
"You've got to go!"   
  
"Come on preppy you are kidding right?"   
  
"First Bombay and now you're bailing."   
  
I shook my head. "I'm serious."   
  
"Is that why you didn't go to the ceremony?" Connie asked. "Your parents said you weren't feeling well."  
  
"My family keeps telling me to go." I inform her. "But I don't want to."  
  
"Before we got the scholarship you told us you were planning to go to Eden Hall." Goldberg said.  
  
"Come on Banks. Eden Hall won't be the same without you." Charlie said.   
  
I knew no one would understand. I started to get up from the park bench. But what Averman said next made me stop in my tracks.  
  
"Jesse would have wanted you to go to Eden Hall." Averman said.   
  
"We'll face those snobs down as a group. Because Ducks fly together and no matter what, we'll be friends." Charlie said.  
  
***  
Notes: I really stink at writing endings. I've had that idea circulating in my head. Chapter 9 soon I guess. I'm working on the prequel to Fooling called Breaking Point, so look for that soon. 


	9. I’m Here Can I Go Home Now?

Notes: I decided to make the dorm pairing alphabetical. And if you can figure out why I did that, let me know. Seriously, hope you like the chapter. You remember the end line of last chapter? That's important. Also I do some guessing on the first practice. It's hard to tell who's pointing at who and who's staring at whom so bare with me. I did say I was tweaking D3. Oh yeah I use something from the book.   
  
I'm Here Can I Go Home Now?   
  
I was unpacking in the dorm that I shared with Averman. This would be an interesting year. Portman isn't going to be attending here. So why am I? My mind went back to this morning.   
  
My parents decided I had to live on campus like the rest of the Ducks. We had all dropped off our stuff the day before but hadn't unpacked. Charlie decided we should all rollerblade to school.   
  
I got up, pretty much after being pushed out of bed by Jeffrey after my parents gave up trying to get me to get up. I ate breakfast. My sister dropped me off where my friends were meeting on her way to Edina High School.   
  
The other Minnesota Ducks were there waiting. It almost seemed like any other day. Goldberg lost control on his roller blades. Charlie went after him. I listened to Connie and Guy try to work out their problems. Averman was trying to find the shortcut that would bring us to Eden Hall. Goldberg and Charlie caught up with us.  
  
Then Goldberg tripped causing us to all fall into the curtain when we got to Eden Hall. We were in such a hurry we hadn't even taken the time to remove our roller blades. That was embarrassing. Great way to introduce us. The dean glared at us and led all of us, including the others, to his office. He's strange. The ants thing was kind of weird.  
  
Then we were told to go back to our dorms. Morning classes had been cancelled for the first day. I just had history, biology, and music as afternoon classes. So here I was unpacking. I hooked up my laptop on one of the desks. I put a small box in one of my drawers to open later. It was something Mr. Hall had found that had my name on it from Jesse we guess. I look at the clock. It was almost noon. Time enough to get some lunch and then go to Biology.  
  
Averman and I met the others in the cafeteria. I was leaving the line when I was stopped by Varsity. Well I think they are the Varsity Hockey team. I recognize Keith Hawkinson. He used to date Chris.   
  
"Well, well if it isn't Adam Banks." The leader said. I saw on his letterman jacket that his name was Rick. I couldn't see the back of his jacket to see his last name though.   
  
I knew this wasn't some kind of welcoming party. I tried to walk past them but they blocked the way. What a good day this has been. One of the players pulled the hotdog off my plate, took a bite, and threw it back on the tray.  
  
Fulton saw what was going on and came over and shoved the guy out of the way. Varsity walked away. I joined the others at a table after throwing away the half-eaten hot dog. We talked about, what else, hockey.   
  
The rest of the day went without incident except Biology. The teacher loves giving out tests. Then there was hockey practice. We could see Varsity still practicing.  
  
As they skated off the ice Riley pointed at me for some reason. I just shrugged it off as I joined the others on the ice. We played some Cowboy Round Up. It was fun. Well fun until Coach Orion showed up.   
  
Charlie got mouthy and was told to do laps. Why did he look at me when he said he knew we could score goals but he didn't know if we could stop them?   
  
Then it was time to climb the ladder. I went first and scored easily on Goldberg. He barely practiced and it showed. Coach wasn't too happy about it. Then Julie took the net and she caught my shot.   
  
When we skated through the cones, I had no trouble. But Charlie fell face first and then got mad at the coach. What's his problem? I thought I was the one that wanted out of here. I had heard from the others that he and Bombay hadn't gotten along well when Bombay first started coaching the Ducks. Maybe he has a problem with new coaches.  
  
I flopped down on the bench in front of my locker tired. Russ pounded his locker which was next to mine and the whole thing shook. Charlie was still in a bad mood when coach came back in. the grade thing was no problem for me. I do well in school. but then he told us to stay away from Varsity. I already had figured that one out.   
  
I went back to my locker and stood up when Connie said the positions were up. I was curious if I was starting center. What I saw shocked me. I wasn't even listed! I didn't want to be here and I didn't even make the hockey team. But then Connie found my name on the list for Varsity.  
  
Varsity?! why me on Varsity? okay maybe that won't be so bad. I mean it wasn't like I was going to be away from the Ducks right? I mean Charlie did say no matter what Ducks flew together a week ago.  
  
Charlie looked at me in shock when I walked back to the locker. I changed and left the locker room. I ran into Dean Buckley and the Varsity Coach.  
  
"Adam can we talk to you for a second?" The Dean asked. I shrugged. "I hope you didn't finish all of your packing." I was confused. why did he care if I was unpacked or not. "We are moving you into the Varsity dorm."  
  
"What? But what's wrong with where I am now?"  
  
"It's better this way Adam. We like to keep the teams together. Makes it easier to find you if need be." Wilson said.  
  
Great I'm gone.  
  
***  
I told the dean and coach that I would pack my stuff and move my stuff later. When I got to my and Averman's dorm I found it empty. I decided to call Jeffrey. He had told me I could call him if I wanted to. he wouldn't be leaving for college for another two weeks. He'd know. He made Varsity his freshmen year.  
  
'Hello?' Jeffrey answered.   
  
"Jeffrey? It's me."  
  
'Hey Adam! Liking Eden Hall after all?'  
  
"Not really. I made Varsity."  
  
'Congratulations! What's wrong with that? it'll be good for you.'  
  
"I'm switching dorms to Varsity dorms."  
  
'Ah.' I think he knew what I meant. 'Hey the Ducks will still be there even if you aren't in the same building. They are your friends right? nothing will change. I gotta go. call me any time.' he said and hung up.  
  
I turned my cellphone off and started packing. Well he did have a point.   
  
I hope. 


	10. The Box

Notes: I was really on a roll with this chapter. Then I lost what I had typed. The chapter probably won't be as good as it had been before. I'm also treading on something that has been done in several other fics but I think it'll be okay. It's not a major part of the fic or anything. The book I mention in the fic I actually got for a graduation present from one of the leaders of my Church Youth Group when I was a senior in high school. Great book. Has many bible verses. I just realized I gave Adam a cellphone that he didn't have before. His parents gave him one okay?   
  
Also, forget everything I wrote about Varsity in my fic You Never Asked What I Wanted. They're totally different.  
  
The Box  
  
I brought in my last box. I thought moving in with Averman was going to be hard. Now I had to move my stuff for the second time in almost the same amount of days. I probably wouldn't need to lift weights for awhile.  
  
My roommate came in while I was unpacking. Averman had helped me move and hurried out when he saw my new roommate. I looked up, saw it wasn't Riley or Cole, and went back to unpacking. We didn't say anything to each other. I found out his name was Joey Hart while I was hooking up my laptop. One of his papers was on my desk.   
  
The door opened and in came five Varsity players including Cole and Riley. They didn't say anything to me. They just talked to Joey. Then they all left and I was in the room alone. That didn't bother me at all. That whole thing was reminding me of the time that I walked into the Ducks locker room for the first time.   
  
When I was finished unpacking, I took out the box that Mr. Hall had given me. I did not intend to open it in front of Joey. Varsity wasn't going to know about the last month.  
It was none of their business. Inside of the box were a letter and a few other objects. I started reading the letter.  
  
Dear Adam,  
  
If you are reading this, I must have been successful. In this box, are some things that I want you to have. You were the best friend I could have had. I'm sorry we didn't start off on the right foot. You proved to me that you can't judge a book by its cover.   
  
I did this for reasons I don't want to explain. I know you are probably thinking what a hypocrite right? I convinced you not to swallow all those pain killers and yet I'm the one that killed myself. Just don't take that road Adam. You've got a lot going for you, cake eater.  
  
Your friend,   
Jesse  
  
I looked in the box. Rolled up was his Ducks Jersey. His original one. Not the Team USA one or the last one we got. There was also his gold medal from the Junior Goodwill Games. I would have thought he would have given that to his parents or Terry. There was even a book. A quick glance at it, I realized it was his journal. I didn't even know that Jesse had kept a journal. I'd read that some other time. There even was a book by Michael W Smith called Friends Are Friends Forever. Hmm I didn't know Jesse was a fan of Christian rock. Maybe he's right. There is more then meets the eye. I closed the box and put it in a drawer under some of my clothes.  
  
I looked at the clock. It was after ten and Varsity practiced at six am. Who cares where my roommate is? I turned off the light and went to sleep.  
  
***  
Varsity practice was even tougher then JV. We did all the drills several times and then scrimmaged. I was checked a lot into the boards. But I did score a goal on their backup goalie.   
  
After practice, we headed back to the locker room. I was about to leaving the locker room when Riley stopped me. Great just like yesterday I thought.   
  
"You did pretty good for a freshman." He said and walked away.   
  
I walked back to my dorm to get ready for breakfast. On the way to the dining room, I spotted Ken and Russ in front of me. "Hey guys." I called.  
  
They waited for me to catch up. "How's Varsity treating you?" Russ asked.  
  
"They haven't said much to me." I said truthfully. "Guess I'll have to wait and see."  
  
When we got to the dining room Joey and Tim Labine came up the duck table. "Banks you are at the wrong table. Varsity doesn't associate with JV. You are Varsity now so that means you don't associate with JV." Tim said.  
  
I didn't know quite what to do. I didn't leave the table. Tim and Joey practically pulled me to the Varsity table. Fulton hadn't been there.  
  
I ate silently at the table. I was grateful when the bell finally rang signaling we had five minutes before first period. I took my tray to the window and headed for first period, which was English.   
  
It turned out I had the class with Averman, Goldberg, Connie, and Dwayne. So we all took seats next to each other. Varsity couldn't dictate where I sat in classes.  
  
Morning classes went much like the afternoon classes the day before. In my other classes, there were a few Ducks in them. At lunch, I was forced to sit with Varsity again. I didn't say anything when they harassed Kenny. But I said something later and they just laughed at me.  
  
I should have known Charlie would get back at them. But did it have to be dog poop? I followed the rest of Varsity out the door.  
  
When did everything get crazy? 


	11. Pranks and Emails

***  
Notes: I was rewatching D3 for the zillionth time today and I have plans for this fic. Well it's not a nice plan for the Duckies though.  
  
Pranks and Emails  
  
The prank war officially started at the first game of the season at the end of the week. Things between the other Ducks and me were starting to get worse. It felt like. They were distancing themselves from me and I guess I was doing the same. But I think it really started to fall apart when they froze our lockers.  
  
I remember coming into the locker room after the Blake game. We had easily defeated Blake. It was a shut out. Five-zero. When I entered the locker room, I was so shocked to see everything frozen. My locker was closest to the door. For some reason my locker looked worse then the others. Maybe I was imagining it. But at any rate, our clothes were too frozen to wear. So wore our uniforms out of the building.   
  
I went back to my dorm. I knew the others had wanted to work on some prank to get them back. I didn't want anything to do with it.  
  
On the way there, I ran into Averman, Guy, and Charlie. They made it a point to walk in the other direction. They completely ignored me. Fine whatever. If they wanted it that way, then so be it. I made sure not to show them how much that hurt. What happened to the unity that we swore to this summer? Maybe I was right back at the hospital. Whoever came up with the idea that Ducks fly together was an idiot.  
  
I turned on my laptop as soon as I got to the dorm. There were a few emails. The dean had taken my cellphone. No one ever said they weren't allowed at Eden Hall. So there was one from Jeffrey and one from Jeffrey and Christina. They wanted to know how my first week had been going. I emailed them back lying that it was fine. I discovered there was no point in trying to get them to understand.   
  
There was an email that I was surprised to see. It was from ThallDuck@aol.com. It had to be from Terry. I opened it.  
  
Hey Banks. How's school in Minnesota? Can't be any worse then it is here! I have to take a subway to school. Not alone. My mother's job is on the same line and gets off in the same place. Hate New York. Wish I was in Minneapolis and this whole summer didn't happen. Bet you wish that too. I try not to cry when I think about Jesse. Hasn't worked yet.   
  
Write back soon! Terry  
  
That did brighten up my mood a bit. I hit reply.   
  
Hey Terry. I hate it here too. I didn't want to go to this school but everyone told me I had to. Had a hockey game today. We won. JV tied 9-9 though. I'm not on JV. I'm on Varsity.   
  
I stopped typing when Joey came in. I continued quickly.  
  
I've gotta go. I know what you mean about Jesse. I'll email you later.  
  
Adam  
  
I pretended to be searching for something on the web. I heard Riley and Cole talking outside of the dorm. Something about taking the Ducks out to dinner. How harmless could that be?  
  
***  
Notes: Short I know but this didn't seem to want to fit in anywhere else. The next chapter is the dinner prank and the unofficial JV/Varsity game. I throw in something really interesting in that one. And no Adam's not suicidal. 


	12. Don’t Say You Understand

Notes: Thank you to Cake Eater for the correction. I've dealt with so much horse poop this week I don't think I wanted to write about it lol. My horse hurt his leg so he's locked into a small area. Poor baby. I wonder why I typed dog poop. Must have been channeling D1 or something. Scooter gets a bit nosy in this chapter. In my opinion, he was never completely nice to the Duckies. Some other songs that also fit with this fic are: This Too Will Pass by Peter Himmelman, and Six Feet From the Edge by Creed. You can do a search for those lyrics if you so wish.   
  
Don't Say You Understand  
  
I slammed my locker shut after Spanish class. Morning classes had been the usual. Not as fun as when the schools started though. "Banksie." Riley said grabbing by the arm as soon as I walked into the dining room. He led me over to the JV table. I had heard about the dinner invite last night. Something along the lines of being nicer to the JV team.   
  
The other Ducks looked so doubtful. I said the only thing I could think of; "It's cool." That seemed to reassure them.   
  
I hoped it was cool.  
  
***  
After afternoon practice, we all went back to our dorms to get ready for dinner at The Minnesota Club. I was alone in the dorm and decided to write an email to Terry. We usually emailed each other every couple of days.   
  
Hi Terry  
  
I only have a few minutes. We are treating the JV team to dinner at The Minnesota Club. Something seems wrong about the whole idea. I think the other Varsity players are up to something but I don't know what. Here comes Joey. I'll let you know if my suspicions were correct.   
  
Adam  
  
"Get ready Banks. We leave in 20 minutes." Joey said running a comb through his hair.   
  
I changed into slacks and a shirt. Upon orders from Captain, I put on my Varsity blazer. I think I liked it better when Varsity ignored me.  
  
I rode with Scooter, Riley, and Charlie. Nothing was said during the ride. I stared out the window. It wasn't that long of a drive to the Minnesota Club. We were led to a large table. I sat between Cole and Joey. Averman was sitting directly across from me.  
  
I picked at my food. I didn't talk to anyone. Then after we walked out the door, I was pushed into a car. I tried to get out but Kabine and Labine were sitting on either side of me. "Hope they can afford the bill." Henry Kabine said with a smirk. I really should have known.  
  
When we got to the dorms I grabbed Jesse's journal and a flashlight and sat outside of the dorm building. I didn't feel like sleeping right then. I was too mad to sleep. I found a nice little corner to read it in.  
  
I opened it. There was an inscription at the beginning from Mrs. Hall. I didn't read it just flipped to the first page. From the looks of what he had written, I'd guess he was eight. He hadn't known Jesse then. It was mostly about him complaining about the journal that his mother gave him for his birthday. So I kept flipping through it. I found the ones from when I first joined the Ducks.  
  
*Adam Banks showed up to the game today. Everyone quickly accepted him to the team but me. Why should we want him on the team? So what if he's a good player. He's a Hawk! Maybe he'll get the idea and go away. *  
  
I knew he had felt that way about me. He never kept that hidden. I flipped through to a couple weeks later.  
  
*I just got back from the hospital. Banks has a concussion. It was scary to see him lying there on the ice not moving. I can't believe his friends would do that to him. Maybe I had been wrong about the cake eater. He looks like he could use a friend. Maybe I'll give him a chance. *  
  
I read quite a bit of it. It must have been a couple hours because the next thing I know JV's running out the building. I only noticed that when Kenny tripped over my legs. He looked back at me before he continued to run.   
  
I got up from my spot and went back into the dorm building to see what was going on. I saw Cole lying on the floor hog-tied. I stepped around him as I headed to my dorm room.   
  
"Get some sleep." Joey said a few minutes later when he came back into the room. "We've got a game tomorrow at dawn."  
  
Against who? I wondered. Oh wait...  
  
***  
I was one of the last players that went on the ice. I didn't even want to play. But it didn't look like I had much of a choice. I tried to tell Charlie that I hadn't known and he said yeah-right preppy. I sighed and skated over to our box.  
  
Everything completely fell apart when I tried to catch up to Charlie who had the puck. He got frustrated, which didn't seem unusual for him lately, and head locked me into the goal. We both crashed into Scooter. Charlie had landed right on top of me.   
  
We started shoving each other, which then led into punching. I pulled my helmet off. I struggled to keep upright when Charlie yanked my shirt over my head. I felt someone grab me by the elbow and push me away. It was Orion. I skated off with the other Varsity players.  
  
When I was off the ice, I stood not too far away from the entrance and watched. Dang it now Fulton and Charlie were quitting. I'm definitely gone. I decided and walked away before they could see me.  
  
I ran into Scooter. "What's the matter Banksie? You going to run away too?"  
  
"Leave me alone Holland." I said trying to push him away.  
  
"You are a wimp Banks. You don't even try to get along with the others. You are always writing or reading emails according to Joey. What's the matter Banks? Can't handle the heat of high school hockey?"  
  
"You wouldn't understand."  
  
"Understand what? That you mope? That you whine? That you have no friends?"  
  
"I don't even want to be at this school." I say very loudly.  
  
"I understand what it's like to be separated from your friends."  
  
"Don't say you understand when you don't! Things weren't supposed to go this way."  
  
He moved out of the way. "Grow up Banks." He said.   
  
I spun around to look at him. "Go to hell." I said. "Watch your best friend jump off a cliff and then tell me you understand." I said and ran off.  
  
***  
Notes: Maybe a certain line of that wasn't Banks like but when you get mad you say things that you normally wouldn't. like the journal entries? I can do more if you do. 


	13. Six Feet From the Edge

***  
Notes: Maybe I wrote Scooter a bit harsh in the last chapter. Oh well. If you don't like reading about spiritual stuff, you might not want to read this chapter. I'm a firm believer that loved ones watch over you after they die even if they are in heaven. You can't tell unless you are really looking for it though.  
  
Six Feet From the Edge  
  
I wasn't sure where I was running to. I just know I had to get away from Eden Hall. I could go home, I guess, but my parents would just send me back. Jeffrey was already at his college. Then I had an idea. I caught a bus that was close to my intended destination.  
  
I got off the bus and walked the short distance. I was back at the cliff where Jesse had jumped off a month and a half ago. I didn't know if I planned to jump or not. Was my life that screwed up? Could I let Varsity and the other Ducks drive me to this?   
  
I stood there looking at the peacefulness in front of me. I wonder if Jesse had thought the same thing. Had he been waiting for me before he had jumped? Was I waiting for someone to stop me as Jesse had two years ago?  
  
I looked down again. What a long way to fall.   
  
I started looking through my hockey bag. For what I'm not sure. My hand hit something that didn't feel like any of my hockey stuff. I pulled it out. It was Jesse's journal.   
  
I didn't remember throwing it into my hockey bag this morning. Maybe I did it subconsciously.  
  
I sat on the ground and opened it to where I had left off. It looked to be right after the first game against Iceland at the Junior Goodwill Games.  
  
*We lost tonight. What made us so arrogant to think we could beat them so easily? We lost 12-1. Bombay's pissed. He had us do a lot of drills right after the game. I should be sleeping. We have school in three hours. But this is the only time I have to myself. I hope I don't Charlie and Adam. Olaf Sanderson hurt Adam bad tonight after Adam scored our only goal. Sanderson broke a hockey stick over his wrist. He only got a two-minute penalty. Jeez Julie and Portman were thrown out of the game for much more minor things. The refs are biased towards Iceland. Adam's grimacing in his sleep. He tried to tell us his wrist was okay, but I know it isn't. I'll ask him about it again tomorrow. *  
  
Jesse had tried to ask me about it the next day. But I kept telling him I was fine. My wrist had hurt so much then though but I never told anyone until I was caught.  
  
I started scanning some of the entries. A lot of them were observations on Russ. But I eventually found the one that I guess I had been looking for.  
  
*I can't believe Adam was going to kill himself! I walked in when he was about to swallow a handful of pills. I grabbed them out of his hand. What had he been thinking? So what if the scouts didn't think he was ready? He is twelve years old. Much too young to play for the pros. I love hockey, but if I don't make the NHL, it won't be the end of the world to me. Doesn't Adam realize that there's more to life then hockey? His family has a lot of money. His family loves him and he has thirteen friends that care. Ducks do fly together. *  
  
I wiped away a tear. He had a point. I flipped quickly to his final journal entry. Maybe I'll see what was really bothering him.  
  
*My parents are getting divorced. Terry and I will be separated. Terry's going to New York with mom. After I got the letter saying that I wouldn't be going to Eden Hall, I thought I'd at least have Terry. Now I don't. My whole world is falling apart. I can't take it anymore.  
  
I'm sorry Adam. *  
  
I stared at that entry for the longest time. So there had been something else he hadn't told me. He wasn't going to Eden Hall? He never mentioned that to us. Maybe I'd ask Dean...no wait what am I thinking? I'm done with Eden Hall, Varsity, and the Ducks. If the Ducks want to hate me for something, that wasn't my fault then fine. I never wanted to go to Eden Hall in the first place.  
  
I looked down again. It's now or never. Something made me look up. There was a flying v in the sky. Normally that would have made me smile. This time I was crying. Not just one tear, but a lot of tears.   
  
I walked away.  
  
***  
Sorry Meme I know you wanted Adam to jump but he didn't. Hope you don't mind. ;). Short chapter I know. I wrote most of this while on duty. That is the most boring thing to do. Sit there and make sure everyone behaves. And I'm not talking about children. 


	14. An Ally on Varsity?

Notes: Phew! Glad to know you weren't serious Meme. I just couldn't do that. Chapter name may be misleading. Well someone had to talk to this boy!  
  
An Ally on Varsity?  
  
I rolled over in bed to see what time it was. Quarter to eight. I closed my eyes again. My parents called Eden Hall to tell them I wouldn't be attending today. I didn't say much when I returned last night, just said I didn't want to go back.  
  
Of course, my parents said I could take today off and really think about it. There was a knock on the door. "Adam are you awake?" My mother asked. I didn't say anything. The door opened. I felt someone sit on my bed.   
  
I groaned.  
  
"Adam Hans died last night."  
  
I sat up. "What?" I tried to hold back my tears.  
  
"I was talking to Gordon Bombay this morning and he told me."  
  
"Wait why were you talking to Bombay?"  
  
She sighed. "I was concerned about you. I talked to your Varsity Coach and he just said there was some big fight between Varsity and JV yesterday but he didn't know what was bothering you." Of course he didn't. The only thing ever on that man's mind is hockey. "So I called Bombay."  
  
There was another knock on the door. "Adam are you up?" This time it was my father. "There's someone here that wants to see you."  
  
I guess I don't have any other choice but to get up. My mother walks out and I change. I walk out of my room and down the stairs.   
  
Sitting in the living room was Gordon Bombay.  
  
I sit across from him. My parents go and get ready for work. I can hear Christina in the kitchen talking to the housekeeper.  
  
I don't know what to say. I didn't expect him to come to my house. He after all works in Minneapolis for the Junior Goodwill Games. But it doesn't seem to matter because he starts talking.  
  
"So what's going on with you and the Ducks?"  
  
"My mother didn't tell you about the big non official JV/Varsity game?"  
  
"No. She just told me you came here last night saying you were not going back to Eden Hall."  
  
"Why do you care? You aren't even at Eden Hall."  
  
"Hey what goes on with the Ducks does concern me. Just because I didn't go to Eden Hall with you as coach doesn't mean I don't think about all of you."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Ducks fly together. I know that pretty well. How it doesn't apply when you switch teams."   
  
"I did hear that you made Varsity. I thought you'd be happy."  
  
"Maybe. But the Ducks treat me like the enemy, again. Maybe if Jesse..."  
  
"Forget the what ifs. Jesse's gone Adam. I wish he wasn't but he is. You have to go on."  
  
"People keep telling me that. Well one of those people told me to grow up. Same thing."  
  
Gordon nodded knowingly. "I got a phone call yesterday from someone I don't know. I think you do though. Scott Holland? He said you are both on Varsity?"  
  
"Scooter."  
  
"Okay you do know him. He was concerned. Wouldn't tell me why he was calling me or how he got the number but he sounded concerned about you. He said you told him to go to hell and to not tell him he understands until he watches his best friend jump off a cliff. That sound right?" I nod.   
  
Bombay didn't say anything. He seemed to be thinking of something. "Talk to the Ducks Adam. You aren't the only one who lost a friend six weeks ago. I have to go. Hans' funeral is in two days at the Minneapolis Lakewood Cemetery at 1."  
  
I nodded. I showed him out and hugged me. "Talk to the others Adam." He said again and walked out to his car.  
  
I stood there watching him drive away. I went back to my room. Scooter was concerned? He didn't seem that way yesterday. What was going on? How I wished I could go back six weeks.  
  
Coach was right. But I wasn't ready to talk to the Ducks. I didn't even think I was going back. 


	15. Something’s Wrong With This Picture

***  
Something's Wrong With This Picture   
  
I drummed my hand on my desk waiting for the teacher to hand out the tests. Back to school. I didn't have to take the test yet though. I looked around at the other Ducks. Everyone but Charlie was in school.   
  
Hans' funeral was yesterday. My mother and sister came with me though neither of them knew Hans. Heck I barely knew Hans. I stood next to Kenny my mother and sister stood behind me. I felt out of place standing there with them. When the funeral was over, I left. I didn't say anything to the Ducks just got in my mother's car and left.   
  
Now it was back to school.   
  
A note hit my desk. "You can go now." Mrs. Laughlin said.  
  
I looked at it. It was from the Dean.  
  
***  
As I walked to the Dean's office, I thought I saw Charlie and Bombay standing in the hall. They were staring at something so they didn't see me. I didn't say anything. I was too nervous about what the Dean would say to me. I missed a whole week of school.  
  
"Go on in Adam. He's waiting for you." The secretary said.   
  
I walked in. The ants were still in their box. Missing a few hundred though. If he wants to ask me about the ants then he won't get an answer since I wasn't there.   
  
"Have a seat Mr. Banks." He said pointing to one of the chairs. That was when I noticed Scooter.  
  
What was going on? I wondered.  
  
I looked over at Scooter. He just shrugged. I guess he didn't know why we were here either.  
  
"There is a rumor that a prank war is going on." Dean started. Oh so, that's what this is about...  
  
I looked at Scooter for some guidance. I was never directly involved with any of these pranks. What was I going to say. "It was Rick's idea." Scooter said. Okay now that was odd. So much for Varsity loyalty.  
  
"And the Varsity/JV fight?"  
  
"Rick's. The Ducks were just reacting. Adam had nothing to do with any of it."  
  
The Dean nodded. I guess he had suspected all of it. That still doesn't explain why I'm here. "Thank you Mr. Holland. You may go now." Scooter left. Dean turned his attention to me. "Have a nice mini vacation?"  
  
"Not really." I said honestly.   
  
He sat down in his desk chair. "Mr. Banks I have been in contact with your parents and coaches. You aren't happy here correct?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Well then I guess this won't impact you too much. The board is talking about pulling your scholarships. Yours and the rest of the Ducks."   
  
I shrugged. Didn't bother me. I hated playing for Varsity.   
  
"I'm trying to get the board to reconsider. If I can't there will be a meeting about it. Either way I will tell you and the others what happens. You may go now."  
  
I walked out of my second period class literally right into Rick Riley. He shoved me into a restroom.   
  
"You tell the Dean we were responsible?" He asked me shaking me.  
  
"No." I said struggling out of his grip. We were about the same height but he weighed a lot more then me.   
  
"Who did?" He asked punching me in the stomach.  
  
How'd they know? I wondered. I refused to say anything. Rick punched me again. "The Dean called me into his office saying I was on probation. What did you say?  
  
The door was pushed open and Riley dropped me.   
  
"Leave him alone." A familiar voice said. I looked up to see Fulton standing in the doorway. Riley looked from me to Fulton before leaving the room.   
  
Fulton helped me up. "You okay?" He asked. I nodded. "Let me know if they bother you again." He said walking away.  
  
What happened while I was gone? This just seemed weird.  
  
***  
After music, Guy stopped me in the hall. "We are playing some schoolyard puck. Come play." He said and walked away.  
  
I weighed my options. I could go to Varsity practice, probably get hit some more by Riley, or go play schoolyard puck with my former friends. Only one option made sense.  
  
"Guy wait up!"  
  
***  
It was just like old times. I forgot about everything while playing. I laughed along with the others. And scored goals.   
  
When Charlie and Bombay showed up, I looked at them wearily. They both quickly joined the game. I even helped them put Charlie in the garbage can.  
  
We played for over an hour. Bombay said to me as he was leaving, "Talk to them."  
  
Now would be a good time to talk to them.  
  
Charlie was the first one to speak. "I'm sorry." He said. "We shouldn't have dumped you like we did."  
  
"Yeah we kept telling you that Ducks fly together and we were the ones who flew away." Connie said.  
  
"Apology accepted." I said.   
  
Hopefully things would get better. Though I still wouldn't mind if we lost those scholarships but I didn't tell them that. 


	16. Not a Warrior or a Hawk but a Duck

Notes: I want to thank everyone for their reviews. Wow five new ones when I woke up this morning. I appreciate them. Some good thoughts needed. Another fire started last night here in Southern Oregon. This was closer to where I live. There's like four now in Southern Oregon.   
  
Not a Warrior or a Hawk but a Duck  
  
The next day I was sitting on the Varsity bench. We were playing Duluth County. Because I had skipped practice yesterday, I couldn't play. Riley couldn't play either. He was on a weeklong probation.   
  
We were winning 10-0. We. Since when did I ever really identify myself as a Warrior?   
  
Dean Buckley already told me about the board meeting tomorrow. I was expected to be there. I wonder what the others are thinking of doing.  
  
I may have accepted their apology yesterday but I was still not comfortable around them. I keep thinking of myself as not part of the Ducks. Their game had been cancelled because of the scholarship dispute.   
  
The buzzer sounded ending the game. I hadn't even dressed down for the game. So I didn't enter the locker room. I walked outside and onto the bus. Riley was the next person on the bus. He walked right up to me and pulled me off the seat.   
  
"I heard about the board meeting. You know you are going to lose don't you?" I just shrugged. I don't think there's anyone on the team that doesn't know I hate this school.  
"No loss if you do." He said and walked to his seat. I think the only reason he didn't try to punch me was that the bus driver was now sitting in the bus.  
  
Scooter plopped down next to me. I wonder if Riley knows Scooter was the one who told the Dean about what he did. Probably not since he doesn't seem to have any bruises. It's hard to tell though. Well I'm not about to tell them.  
  
The other players were shouting and laughing. I think Labine had turned on the CD player.   
  
"You know if you guys win tomorrow at the board meeting, the JV/Varsity game is next Friday right?" Scooter said. I nodded. I had known that. I hadn't been looking forward to it. not after the unofficial game.  
  
when we got back to Eden Hall I went straight to my dorm. I turned on my computer. I hadn't checked my email since the night of the dinner prank. I quickly read the reply to my last email then there was a new one.  
  
Hey Adam haven't heard from you in awhile. I got an interesting email from Averman the other day. it was about the JV/Varsity fight. The email also said that you, Charlie, and Fulton left Eden Hall. You and Charlie actually fought? What's going on over in Minneapolis?   
  
I was thinking about something Jesse told me after the state peewee championship. it was something that I won't forget. He said Banks was never a Hawk. He was a Duck playing on the wrong team. That still applies. You aren't a Warrior or a Hawk, You are a Duck.  
  
Terry  
  
That email was a wakeup call. Maybe I should start acting like a Duck.  
  
Still doesn't mean I have to go here though.  
  
***  
Sorry for the short chapter. it's way too early to write a long chapter. I got up at 6 (it's now 7:39) in hopes of winning Serving Sara sneak premier tickets. I'm going back to bed after they give away the last tickets. 


	17. It Could Have Been Worse

Notes: I borrow some lines from D3. Worked for me! After some thought this fic will have a sequel, called Friends with the Enemy. Anyone on the mightyducksmovieslist probably saw part of it. It actually will combine two fics that I have started. However, hold your horses. We still have another chapter after this! One other note if you've ever read my fic: Until the Sun Comes Up Tomorrow, you'll recognize something in the excuse that Adam gives. UTSCUT was not one of my better fics.  
  
It Could Have Been Worse  
  
I straightened my tie. Keith and Joey were in the dorm room staring at me. Why I wasn't sure. I've known Keith and his older brother Bryson since I was little but we hadn't talked at all since I started at Eden Hall.   
  
"You going to wear your Varsity jacket?" Keith asked. I turned around to look at him. He couldn't be serious. I saw that he was fighting back a grin.   
  
"Yeah sure. And I'm going to stand with Varsity too." Now they were both laughing.  
  
I grabbed a regular blazer and walked out the door. They were probably being nice because they knew we were good as gone. I met the others in front of the conference room. I saw Bombay standing not too far away.  
  
My father had offered to defend us but Bombay was going to do it.   
  
We filed in. Varsity stood on the other side of the room. All the Ducks were dressed nicely. Maybe they were trying to prove they belonged at Eden Hall. We not they. I'm still doing it.  
  
We listened to Coach Orion and our Student Advisor/Music Teacher Angela Delaney talk for us. But it didn't look like we would win. Then Orion brought in our attorney, Bombay. No wonder he was a successful lawyer. No one on the board could argue with what he was saying.  
  
We won. I was staying. Joy.  
  
We filed out of the room. Charlie and Linda Chavez, who I knew from Biology, were talking about some date he had promised her. Varsity came up to us and reminded us of the JV/Varsity game Friday. I guess I would have to play for Varsity against the Ducks.   
  
Then Charlie said something that put a smile on my face. "You had an unfair advantage last time. You had one of us, Banksie."  
  
Riley's response didn't surprise me. "Keep him. He didn't have the heart of Warrior anyway."  
  
I remembered Terry's email. The one that said: You aren't a Warrior or a Hawk, you're a Duck. Riley was right. I didn't. Who'd want to be one anyway?  
  
Hopefully if we won Friday, we'd never have to be Warriors.  
  
***  
I finished moving my last box into my old room. Wilson was not happy about me switching teams. Riley said, in the Varsity's defense, "We don't need this basket case." And I was officially back on JV.  
  
I was putting Jesse's Duck Jersey into a drawer when someone said, "You still have that?" I turned around. It was Charlie. I think he thought he was the only one that brought his to Eden Hall. I still don't understand how that still fits. It's been four years and a foot taller since peewees. Mine certainly no longer fits.  
  
"Mine's at home. This one's Jesse's." I said holding it up to show him.   
  
He nodded. "Glad to be back on JV?"  
  
"Definitely. If I have to be stuck in this school I'm glad I'm back on this team."  
  
"That's what I wanted to ask you about. Why do you hate Eden Hall so much? Was it because of Jesse?"  
  
"You know something? Jesse wouldn't even be attending this school even if he had jumped off the cliff. He wasn't accepted." Charlie was as shocked by that as I was when I read it. "As for me, yeah I think it was partially because of Jesse. But there was a part of me that didn't want to go because my parents expected me to. My brother went here. Made Varsity his freshmen year, was valedictorian, was president of the student body. I was supposed to be perfect like him. Well I can't. Jesse and I discussed that once. I thought that maybe if all the Ducks were there things would be okay. But it wasn't."  
  
Charlie hadn't said anything while I talked. Now I think he was just letting it soak in. He and I have been friends but not as close of a friendship with Jesse. "And my reason to quit school was because of Orion. Seems dumb now."  
  
"You hate new coaches according to Averman."  
  
He grinned. "I guess so. I'm sorry we pushed you out of the group. We should have realized you'd still be a Duck."  
  
"I was never a Warrior or a Hawk." I said paraphrasing Terry. "In the words of The Hall brothers anyway."   
  
Charlie nodded. "We've got practice at 6 tonight." He said and walked away.   
  
Now I think I'm ready to forgive them.  
  
***  
The practices the week before the big game were tough. It was as tough if not tougher then Varsity practice. We did the drills repeatedly. We worked on defense more then offense. We scrimmaged and I think our Defense was finally starting to sharpen to Varsity's standards.   
  
After Thursday's practice Orion called us all over to him. He had a box. In the box were the jerseys he had taken from JV. I watched as the others took their old jerseys. Mine was in my dorm room in a drawer. Fulton and Charlie still have theirs also. Who would have thought Orion would let us have our jerseys back?   
  
We were ready. I was ready to wipe the grins off the Varsity player's faces. I'd been informed many times this week by my former teammates that I was going to regret switching teams and that the Ducks were going down.  
  
The day of the game, the rink was packed. As we started to go out to the ice, I heard Charlie say, "This is for Hans." When I went past him he said, "And Jesse."  
  
We circled the ice and touched it with one hand. This one's for you Jesse. It's your kind of game.  
  
When I took the opening face off Riley repeated the threat he and the others had told me all week. I retorted "Save the trash talk."  
  
The game was brutal. I can't even count how many times I was checked into the boards. Guy and Averman both were hurt. Guy more then Averman because the trainer had to be called on the ice. When we got back to the locker room after the game Guy's shoulder was being tended to. I had an ice pack to my jaw. We couldn't hold on that much longer that was obvious.  
  
The door swung open and Portman walked in. I've never been so happy to see someone before. I think the others would agree with me that we needed him. The bash brothers were back together.  
  
***  
The game was tied zero-zero with two minutes left. Wu and Portman were in the penalty box. Portman because Riley took a dive, and Wu for going onto the ice too early. The coach picked me, Charlie, and Goldberg to be the three players. We could hold them for two minutes. I hope.  
  
When Julie was out of place in front of the net, I jumped in front of the net to block the puck. Phew that was close. I jumped to my feet and skated after Charlie and Goldberg. I knocked down Dennis Brigs who was in my way.   
  
I could only watch as Goldberg scored the winning goal. What a great way to finish the game. I joined the team celebration huddle and celebrated as if nothing had happened. I cheered with everyone as the banner changed from Warrior to Duck.   
  
I saw my parents and sister standing in the stands smiling and applauding. We showed them all. Again. 


	18. Moving On

Notes: Sigh. Last chapter. This takes place in March. Very short chapter. I had to end this chapter on a happy note. It gets kinda messy next fic. So the hockey season is over. Be on the look out for Friends with the Enemy, which starts out the Friday before the first day of sophomore year. List sibs yes that's different then the timeline I gave. See ya then.   
  
Moving On  
  
I slammed my locker shut after Spanish class. No homework so I had a free weekend for once.  
  
Now that there wasn't any hockey, I was able to relax. Some of the others were playing spring sports. Connie was on the golf team. Luis was on the track team as a sprinter. Dwayne joined the equestrian club. The rest of us just enjoyed not worrying about hockey.  
  
Me I was going to meet Joey, Scooter, Julie, and Keith for sodas at Mickey's Diner. The five of us had become good friends. No one luckily protested. I think Riley doesn't care who Varsity hangs out with anymore. Rumors are he's failing almost all of his classes.   
  
I was working on asking Tina Johanson to come with me. She was in my English class. I saw her in the hall talking to Diana Silverman.   
  
Tina smiled when I came closer. That's a good sign. Diana left us alone. "Tina I was wondering if you wanted to get a soda with me at Mickey's Diner." I fought a blush. I was shy what could I say?  
  
She beamed. "I'd love to."  
  
We rode with Joey and his girlfriend Rachel Stone to Mickey's. I was surprised to see my sister sitting there with Scooter, Julie, and Keith. Though I guess I shouldn't be surprised, She and Keith used to date in junior high.  
  
Charlie's mother was working and she chatted with us for a few minutes. I promised her I'd tell Charlie to call her. Mothers.  
  
Things were going better. I talked to my parents about what had been bugging me and they had told me that they just wanted the best for me. That's why they kept pushing me to stay at Eden Hall.  
  
I still email Terry once a week. I think that helps both of us. I am no longer mad at the Ducks. They were forgiven a long time ago.  
  
I put my hand on Tina's and squeezed it. Things were finally looking up.   
  
***  
Notes: Told ya it was short. Thank you for staying with me with this fic. Loved all of the reviews! See ya in Friends with the Enemy! 


	19. We Were Only Freshmen

Notes: Lost chapter. Takes place before the last chapter. This chapter is based on a song called The Freshmen by The Verve Pipe. It's my interpretation of the lyrics. Explanation of why Scooter had cared and why he and Adam became friends. I have the end of Catch Me I'm Falling figured out and I kinda know some things I want to happen in it's sequel. Plus there's going to be a fic about a fourteen year old Kiley Banks. 

We Were Only Freshmen

I walked into the cemetery. I was going to visit Jesse's grave. I hadn't done that since I started attending Eden Hall. It was the day after the JV/Varsity game. All of the Ducks were still happy about it. We had proven to Eden Hall that we belonged there. I found Jesse's grave and stood before it.

I crossed myself and then started talking. I was rather hoping Jesse would hear me. "Hey Jesse." I said fighting to control my voice. "I miss you. It's been an interesting few months. I think everything's fine with the Ducks and me again. It's been difficult. Thanks for leaving me your journal. It pulled me through this. I think I know why you did it from reading it. But I wish you hadn't." I talked a bit more.

I turned around and was about to leave when I saw Scooter standing in front of a grave not too far from where I was. He had two flowers. He put them on the grave. He stood there for a couple minutes and turned around. He was crying.

"Hi Banks." He said. "Didn't see you."

I hadn't meant to look at the tombstones but I did. One said read Sherry Tamara Martin September 12 1978-May 12 1993. The other one said Lacey Tonya Martin May 1 1993-May 10 1993. I guess Scooter saw me looking because he said "A friend of mine."

I didn't say anything.

He looked over at Jesse's tombstone. "Your best friend?" He asked.

I had forgotten I had told Scooter about Jesse. I had been mad at Scooter when I said it. I nodded. It started raining. "You want to go somewhere and talk?" He asked.

I shrugged. I had no plans. I didn't think Scooter would do anything to me. If it was Riley or Cole then maybe. He kissed Julie so I don't think the loss last night bothered him too much. We walked to a Starrbucks and got some drinks. We found a table.

He told me his story. "Lacey was Rick Riley's daughter. Sherry was her mother and Rick's girlfriend. They were too young to try to raise a baby. Both were freshmen in high school at the time. Rick didn't leave her when Lacey was born but both the Riley's and the Martin's wanted to keep it quiet. They pulled Sherry from school and she had Lacey in private. I wasn't there when it happened and neither was Rick. Sherry rather freaked out the night after she brought Lacey home from the hospital. From what the detectives could figure out was that the baby wouldn't stop crying so she stuck rice in Lacey's mouth trying to get her to quiet. Lacey stopped breathing. Sherry was taken to a mental institution. She got her hands on some Valium and overdosed." He was crying. "I know Lacey wasn't mine and that Sherry wasn't my girlfriend but I felt like I was to blame. Rick's my best friend and I'd known Sherry since sixth grade. Maybe if I had helped her somehow. Rick won't talk about it but after Sherry died he left school for a week."

I listened to him silently. I wish I could have taken that line back about how he wouldn't understand unless he watched his best friend jump off the cliff. "I'm sorry for what I said."

"It's okay. I'm sorry for telling you to grow up."

That was when I told him what happened in a couple months ago. About finding out about the scholarships. Getting the suicide note. How frozen I felt when he died. How I felt the others didn't understand. Why I didn't want to be here.

He listened to this in silence like I had with him. He thought for a minute or two before saying, "Don't be offended by Rick. He's still hurting from his daughter's death and Sherry's suicide. None of us knew how to react. Damn it we were only freshmen."

So I did have something in common with Scooter. Sort of anyway. But I wasn't going to bond with Riley like this. Don't even know if you could call it bonding.

We sat there in silence for awhile before returning to Eden Hall. I went back to my friends and he went back to his team. But we became friends after that day.

Freshmen year is tough for everyone.


End file.
